Direction Needs Motion

Seems like a lot of folks are looking for a new direction these days. More and more unintentional entrepreneurs are trying to find their way through an ocean of choices. Too many choices, though, can be worse than too few. Faced with, apparently, an infinite variety of options for the future, paralysis sets in; our hero or heroine feels rudderless, trying to decide which direction to go.

But it’s not a rudder they’re missing. It’s motion.

A sailboat is a fine thing, even sitting at the dock. But sitting at docks is not what they’re designed for; they’re designed to use the wind to push against the waves and, between the two opposing forces, create forward motion.

And now, once the sailboat is under way, the rudder starts working.

You can sit at the dock ’til the cowfish come home, swinging the rudder from side to side, and you’ll never find direction. It’s only in movement that we can measure our progress against any kind of standards to see if we’re heading somewhere we want to go.

Feeling rudderless? Get away from the dock. Head, first, into the safety of a nearby harbor. Check out your rigging and stock the galley with supplies. Do what you reasonably can to prepare for the journey.

And then go. ‘Away from the dock’ is automatically ‘toward something new.’ Keep one eye on the compass to see where you’re heading, and one on the horizon, to see where you want to go.

And now, now that you’re moving, you’ll find direction.

Warning: the Following is Geek Stuff That Only Applies to Skype Users

I’m testing the Pamela Call Recording tool for my new Skype account. Problem is, I get an error every time I try to start it. The error says, more or less, this:

Unable to initialize Skype connection library, or Skype is not running

I found an answer at the Skype fora (isn’t that the plural of ‘forum’ ? No? Oh; okay) but it had errors in it. I posted my comments, which you can read right here if you log in with your Skype account: http://forum.skype.com/index.php?showtopic=352421&st=0&p=1756661&#entry1756661

The short version is, if you’re comfortable with this arcane command, it should fix it:

regsvr32.exe "C:\Program Files\Common Files\Skype\Skype4COM.dll"

The Magic Apology Trick

Having a lively conversation on Twitter a few days ago about exactly when the rock group Genesis was ‘pre Phil Collins.’ Collins joined the group in 1970, but the personality of the group was still determined by lead vocalist and primary songwriter Peter Gabriel. Collins did do some lead vocals during the 70-75 ‘Gabriel’ era, and took over entirely when Peter left. None of that is important, nor is it business-related. What happened next is both.

When the conversation reached this juncture, the other person wrote something about ‘wasting time in a silly argument about a band.’ Clearly, they hadn’t been having ‘a lively conversation’ but an argument. (Oblique lesson: remember, kids, that email, IM, Twitter, any written communication, reads much flatter than you meant; plain simple statements, without the warmth of a facial expression and tone of voice, can sound harsh and obnoxious.)

At this point, the right thing is to apologize for giving offense.

That’s not enough. It’s the right direction, but doesn’t go far enough. An apology might alleviate further damage, but rarely does what we’d like as far as cleaning up the mess.

Wouldn’t it be nice, instead of simply stopping the negative flow, to create a positive direction in the relationship? Here’s how: make the apology excessive. Make it a big, passionate, almost over-the-top plea for forgiveness. Now, it’s important that your motives are good, or this will come out sounding like sarcasm. But if you really feel passionately about reconnecting with someone, soothing hurt feelings, a sincere but excessive apology creates a sort of yo-yo of emotional energy; the other person actually feels compelled, now, to comfort you! They will almost inevitably apologize back, actively looking for a way to reconnect with you—which is what we wanted, right?

Here’s the bonus tip: if someone’s perturbed, and taking it out on you even though it’s obviously not your fault, apologize. Same trick, same results. In this case, any apology is excessive. “I’m really sorry about the traffic today; I can imagine how frustrating that was.” Emotional yo-yo again.

An apology where unwarranted, or excessive where warranted. Magic trick to smooth ruffled feathers and take the smoke and sting out of a conversation and let you get back to business.

Misguided Carrots

It’s nice that businesses are grasping the concept of less stick, more carrot. Of course, if the person you’re rewarding is a carnivore, they’re not going to see the carrot as recognition; they’re going to see it as yet more evidence that you don’t know them, or don’t care about them.

I had an employer who, to reward me for my efforts, announced at a company meeting that he was buying me a car. Impressive, eh?

Well, sort of.

What they did was picked out a vehicle, let me register it in my name, and made the monthly payment. Nice vehicle, but it was red. Without a doubt my least favorite car color. Honestly, I would prefer little-girl pink to red. Oh; and when I quit the job about a year later, I took over the payment, of course. So, in reality, it was a $200/month raise, not a new car.

Now, it wasn’t a total wash. I did need a more dependable vehicle, and it was a small truck, like I already drove.

But it wasn’t the recognition I wanted. What I wanted was, well, recognition. Sincere notice for my ingenuity and willingness to get the job done. What I got was a public announcement which made the boss look like a hero, and made it critical that I act enormously grateful since I’d obviously been rewarded beyond what I deserved. Nobody else knew that they hadn’t paid cash and handed me the pink slip, which is the clear impression I got when the announcement was made. (See my article on how nobody likes surprises . . . )

A little discreet inquiry would have uncovered the fact that what I really needed was a few bucks to fix up the old truck I loved, and what I really wanted was appreciation.

The Selfish Sore-Thumb Thief

Some time back we had a houseful of friends over to play music, eat, drink, and talk. Now, in this context, when I say ‘friends’ I don’t mean ‘other human beings who happen to fall within my sphere of attention.’ I mean people I’d trust to babysit my little girl. Friends.

All but one.

Two of the younger friends made a bad judgment call and invited someone who wasn’t my friend; who, in fact, was barely known to them. But my trust in them extended, initially, to this other person.

Cut to James, the oldest offspring living at home, coming home from the bank with a wallet full of money he’d taken out to buy a motorcycle later that day. Fortunately he took all the hundred-dollar bills out to put somewhere safe, leaving only $16 in his wallet on the desk in our home office. Yes, right there in the open, because these folks are friends.

Later in the day, the three young folks went out to pick something up from the store. While they were gone, James noticed that his wallet wasn’t where he left it. Neither was the money; the wallet was empty.

In a house full of people I’d trust with my life, plus one total stranger, the thief stuck out like a sore thumb. He didn’t admit it, but he also didn’t act very indignant when I called him a slimy thief in front of his friends (who were appropriately shocked and apologetic about the whole thing.)

Which brings us to the fairly unselfish and giving nature of the Twitterverse.

It still surprises me that folks will re-Tweet something just because you ask. If you’re fairly polite and generally unselfish, other Twitterers respond in kind. Twitter is taking on an aura of unselfishness I intend to encourage.

So, then, when someone behaves selfishly, sending a dozen tweets in a minute yelling at you to buy their life-saving business service, they, too, stand out like a sore thumb.

Tweet responsibly. Hey, how about being unselfish and kind in all your social networking? Imagine, in a very “Alice’s Restaurant” way, if nearly all of us used social networking to create a kinder, gentler form of business? Perhaps those selfish sore-thumb thieves would go away and leave us alone.

It’s worth a try.

(i) Megan Elizabeth Morris, that idea blueprint girl (@worldmegan in the Twitterverse) who showed today, once again, her massive unselfishness with ideas.