A friend asked why the information in the videos is essentially the same as what’s written here, raising the issue of learning styles. Learning being simply a specialized type of communication, let’s broaden the scope and discuss communication mirroring.
A few years ago I was trying to complete a search tool for a client. It seemed that no matter how many emails I sent to the hosting contact, things moved like molasses, and often in the wrong direction. I’d send an email, they’d leave a voicemail on my phone, I’d email to correct their confusion, and so on.
Have I mentioned how much I hate talking on the phone?
Finally, in frustration, I actually picked up the phone, and things were resolved, correctly, in less than five minutes.
I don’t know how much evidence I’d been given before this, but in a camel/straw moment I realized that I’d been using my style of communication instead of his. As soon as I mirrored what he’d been trying to do all along, the dam burst.
We all have our favorite method of communication. Mine is email; a close friend rarely emails more than three words, but will stay on the phone as long as I’m willing to. But, just like we don’t get to choose how we’re perceived by others (see “There is no Reality; Only Perception” below) we can’t successfully shove people into our communication method.
A prospect who emails should get an email, not a phone call, in return. While the email should be sent off just as quickly as you’d answer the phone (email-oriented types tend to expect email to be almost real-time) a phone call response to an email can feel pressuring and invasive. On the other hand, if someone leaves you a voicemail, or you’re following up on a phone call, use the phone; email will seem impersonal to phone-oriented communicators. Email always sounds a bit less friendly than you write it; write a friendly message and it sounds flat and direct; write something that’s flat and direct, and it sounds angry and rude—especially to someone accustomed to the warmth and instantaneous reaction of a human voice.
And, yes, if someone writes you a letter, you write a letter. Even further, if they hand wrote their letter, do the same.
Be what people expect, not what you’re used to being.
